“The poor will eat and be satisfied. All who seek the Lord will praise him. Their hearts will rejoice with everlasting joy.”
“Do you love me?”
Strong hands, stained with eloquent evidence of the oil change currently in progress, pause momentarily.
“Yes, I love you.” Blue eyes seek mine, intent, then flick back to the task at hand.
Not very convincing, my heart mutters.
“Like – a lot?”
*work ceases momentarily*
“Yes, a lot” arrives muffled, muddled by exasperation and ratchety oil changish noises in equal parts.
Somehow the heart is a tricky beast.
The interchange did nothing to settle its growl, its demand for satisfaction.
Yet the oil being changed was from my car. The entire process was an act of unselfishness. Instead of enjoying his Saturday, he was saving me money and hassle by performing this service – and now he had to field questions which put his loving gesture on trial.
My poor mister.
I’m learning that when I feel that itch, that desire to know I’m loved, that it is actually connection my heart craves.
I’m also learning to ask for what I need rather than whining.
(And that I can wait until my mister isn’t under a vehicle.)
We are born with the craving.
Infants, not understanding how to get what they need, scream and cry and wail.
As we mature, we need to unlearn that habit and use our words to get what we need.
Some of us never move on very far from the scream and cry and wail – and then we add passive aggressive hints and manipulation into the mix.
And in the maturation process, our truest needs go underground, buried beneath scabs and failures and a twisted sense of self that demands satisfaction. We get short-circuited, and hurt others in our frantic search to cover our own hurts.
Out comes the chocolate. The ‘look at me’ patterns of relating. The romance novels, the self-help books, the inappropriate relationships, the reliance on a bottle to fill the emptiness.
Really, we are asking, “Do you love me?”
We are craving connection – deep connection – and yes, we do need strong connections to the people in our lives.
But really, we are craving connection to our Creator.
Do you love me? Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? Am I beautiful? Am I seen? Does anyone understand and know me?
Yes, yes, yes and YES!
Look at the promises found in this verse in Psalm 22. To eat and be satisfied. To be filled with joy. To praise the living God – to know Him and be so astounded by His beautiful qualities that we are pulled from our problems and the distractions and tangles of our lives and enter a state of worship – that, that is connection.
Learn to correctly interpret that craving for connection with me?
Father, You designed us for relationship, for deep and satisfying connection. Ultimately, You designed us for connection with You! Help us to recognize that deep longing for what it is, and learn how to come to You to get our needs met genuinely. Amen.