“Better a dry crust eaten in peace than a house filled with feasting—and conflict.”
Proverbs 17:1
Ever been in on a good bickering?
I have.
Awwww-kward!
You can feel your toes scrunch up inside your socks. It’s like snaggly fingernails grating down a chalkboard. You don’t know where to look or what to do and your impulse is to put your hands over your ears and screech.
Not pleasant.
I’ve had parents at interviews go at it hammer and tongs, tossing insults across the room at each other like scud missiles. I’ve seen young couples, older couples, and couples in between peck at one another just like the chickens do when they notice a bird with a gimpy leg.
They eventually peck the poor thing to death.
That’s not pleasant, either.
Living in the constant tension of conflict can’t be much of a picnic.
It makes me super thankful for my roommate.
My husband is a great roomie. He is polite. He picks up after himself. And he is funny and interesting and thoughtful.
I absolutely love that I can look forward to getting home after a long day of work, and be welcomed in peace and have an evening of camaraderie to look forward to. I love that we can have a conversation, or simply sit companionably in silence.
I can’t believe there was ever a time when I thought we wouldn’t make it.
But there was.
I was in pain and didn’t know how to get my needs met and tried using passive aggressive hints and whining to get my way. I was resentful and spiteful and spent a lot of time praying for him to change.
I didn’t know yet that it was me that needed changing…
Oh, he had some wising up and maturing and spiritual growth to do, too. But I remember the shocking moment when I realized that I couldn’t change him.
And the real shocker – I shouldn’t be expecting to.
I started praying, not that he would suddenly turn into everything my heart was seeking, but that I would become someone worth changing for.
It didn’t happen overnight by any means. It was much less a sprint than a slow ambling on a forest path – the kind where the curves block the view around the next bend. But oh, did God do a work in my life.
And oh, did that pave the way for me to see that God was also working in my husband.
And oh, has this God made a difference in promoting peace in our home…
So – long live the crumbs! The crusts, the leftovers, the simple fare of a simple life.
I’ll take those any day, because I get to share them with my absolute gift of a life partner. There is no amount of money that can make a life lived in luxury, but also in constant conflict any more valuable than the simple life God has blessed me with.
I believe that God’s plan for marriage is just this – Harmony. Each individual being open and responsive enough to personal change in the hands of a good God, that they are ready to live within His guidelines and reap the rich, rich interpersonal rewards.
It isn’t perfect.
It can’t be, because neither of us can ever be what only God can lay claim to.
But it sure is a rich, rich blessing.
Pray for enriched and peaceful relationships with me?
Father, Your pattern for relationships is the Trinity – a picture of perfect harmony and balance and interdependence. Bless us with the character and inner renewal we need to contribute positively to peaceful marriages and friendships. Amen.
Growing in Grace 